For parents whose child struggles to fit in, is being bullied, or is shy and timid.

INSPIRE - TEACH - BUILD

This is a practical and proven method for parents to solve their individual challenges to help improve their child's confidence, concentration, courage, drive, behavior, attitude, and so much more!

Part 1 of 4

By: Jason Froehlich, Martial Arts Master, Cognitive Coach, and Author

We are creators.

Each of us take our steps in life toward fulfilling our destiny. There seems to me some “force” pulling us toward our potential and reaching it to become something. To fulfill something. To create something. To be something. But, there are two types of creators in this world. The first being ones who seemingly just follow that “force” pulling them exactly toward something they know fits them. The second, being the ones who struggle to find exactly what it is they are supposed to do, where they are supposed to fit, and who they are supposed to be.

So, this manifesto is for the second group. It is for you parents out there who are raising a child that isn’t confident in their place in life yet. The parent whose child might be bullied. Or, the parent whose child is shy or timid and fearful to try anything new. I’m hoping through this journey we take together in this manifesto, I can share some insights into this second group of creators (your child).

I’ll shed some light on how to help them through their journey, so they can feel confident and certain about how to write their life story in a way that fulfills their destiny, makes them happy, and helps them find their place and peace - even if that changes several times. 

And, I will unpack all this through a series of thought provoking perceptions I discovered over my last twenty-nine plus years of building kids into powerful kids. My goal through this is to share my stories and experiences, so you can build your child into a confident adult which you are more likely to do than anyone else. So, sit back, take your time, and enjoy.

Now, that might sound a little woo-woo or too touchy-feely and, if it does, I totally understand. I used to think the same way. That was until I started to see things through a different lens. I realized it takes more than just telling a child to “suck it up” and “grow up.” There’s more to this than even the other side of the coin which is handing out participation awards like candy and giving high fives. It takes showing them how to earn what they get to build confidence. 

In this case, to assist a child struggling with confidence to find their inner hero, so they can see they are strong and capable of anything. 

I believe you know your child is brilliant, amazing, smart, funny, strong, and has all the potential to do anything they set their heart toward. But, they don’t see it. They don’t feel it. And, they don’t BELIEVE it...no matter how many times you tell them otherwise.

I am part of this second group, and it started young for me. Somewhere in the first or second grade and only compounded all through my young adult life. It wasn’t just knowing where I fit, it was believing in my abilities. It wasn’t just hiding from bullies at recess, it was learning how to stand up for myself and what I wanted. It wasn’t being the wall flower, it was getting off the wall, breaking out of my shell, and expressing my dreams loud enough that I followed them. Maybe you feel you are part of this group as well. If so, then welcome to our little club because you are not alone. 

So, why does your child struggle to be confident in themselves? Why do they let others push them around? And, why do they hold themselves back from trying new things or meeting new people?

Each one of those questions is separate and comes with different possible answers. Because I am not in front of you asking you a hundred questions and seeing your child in action, there are no exact answers I can give that solve all the problems you face with this matter. But, there are some factors that hold true across all the children I’ve helped (and the adults who never got this as a child).

Your child is unique, comes with a unique set of challenges, and has a unique perspective of their place in life based on their environment, their experiences (up to whatever age they are), and the feelings they have toward how they fit in their current place. You have to take everything into account: their school, your parenting style, their friends, how family treats them, what their teachers say to them, and the dynamics of different things like divorce, blended family, and soooo many other factors that are way too long to list here. 

All that sounds almost impossible to tackle, but there is hope because there is a solution for every problem. You just have to find it - that’s the secret. 

Let’s look at the first question which kind of wraps the other two questions in as well, why does my child struggle to be confident in themselves? 

That’s a tough one, but here is a perspective that might just help you begin to become a little more self-aware of what might be lurking underneath the surface causing them to feel insecure, lacking the courage to stand up for themselves, or finding the strength to be more outgoing. 

Out of all the different reasons I’ve uncovered for this, there has been one single common denominator that it all boils down to - fear.

There are six levels to this which have a hierarchy associated with them. 

Here they are in numerical order of importance:

Let me unravel each of these with a point of inflection to help you get a more clear picture of the battle going on in your child’s mind.

Inflection point #1 - Fear of the unknown is the starting point. We tend to see that there is a surface (read: generic) reason why a child is lacking confidence. We simply write it off as “a phase they will get over.” Those of us in this second group need a little more clarity around our inner journey and the fear of dealing with not knowing the outcome of different situations in our life. We need to have some guidance on how to embrace this concept and ways for us to manage the process. 

Inflection point #2 - Fear of making mistakes starts young, around three or four. This one has run the gambit of it unknowingly coming from almost anywhere. To lay the blame on anyone or any event or experience is not fair. To counter this and get your child to see mistakes from a different viewpoint, you first have to recognize it is the fear of making a mistake they are struggling with. Once you’ve identified that, then help them change their experience (or story) they have with making mistakes.

Inflection point #3 -The fear of failing (or another great word to use - falling) is the one thing no one likes, yet it is part of any process of learning, growing, or improving. You have to figure out how to get back up from a failure. I’m sure I’m not telling you anything new here. You already know this, but your child probably doesn’t and that’s where the insight can be uncovered. Giving them tools to manage failing when it happens and instructing them on how to get back up after not achieving their desired outcome is going to go a long way at building their confidence in themselves.

Inflection point #4 - The fear of looking foolish. If you are following along with this foresight, then you will see the thought operation going on in your child’s mind. The fear of the unknown launches this whole psychological overload which leads to the fear of making a mistake, then failing at something which they fear they will look foolish in front of others. No one wants to look foolish, and in your child’s mind that is a recipe for disaster. Why? Because they subconsciously remember the time when they laughed at someone when they thought whatever it was looked foolish. This is real and stops them in their tracks. To improve this you need to guide them through the understanding of what foolishness is and what it isn’t. Then, support them on how to manage this feeling by showing them how not to take themselves so seriously and cherish the adventure of discovery. You do that and they’ll rule over the panic button being slammed whenever they are faced with trying something new, meeting new people, or standing up to others trying to put them down.

Inflection point #5 - Fear of being judged. I’m hoping this is starting to become crystal clear for you and you can see how the fear of being judged literally freezes us in our tracks. The key here is teaching them that the only person worthy of judging them is themselves. The ones of us in this second group of creators need a little more assistance with this one. We are constantly looking to others and seeing what outcome we have created. It has its good parts and its bad, but with just a small amount of encouragement you can get us to see how to simply be self-aware of our own performance rather than depending on others.

Inflection point #6 - We’ve come down to the last part of this, the fear of rejection. This is where it all boils down. We are afraid that the ones close to us, or the ones we want to be close to, won’t like us, want to be friends with us, or love us. Now this might sound a little too fuzzy-cuddly like going to a therapist. But, here’s the reality once you strip back the layers and look deeper. In the early stages of our life we don’t really know how to deal with rejection, unless someone showed us (or we’ve had enough experience getting past it). So, the real magic of all this comes in teaching your child how to cope with themselves and the thoughts that bombard their mind. You do this from the vantage point of understanding the “stage” of fear that is holding them hostage and then teaching them how to tackle the challenge.

The most difficult part for you, as the parent, will be stepping back after you give them guidance and let them figure out on their own how to tackle the fear and come up with a solution on their own.

It might not be something they get right away, but that is still good. They need to solve it because once they do, (and let me assure you they will) then they will always have the confidence in themselves.

My encouragement for you (the wary parent reading this) is something I learned while serving my country in the Marine Corps which is to let them earn the title they deserve; the title to call themselves confident.

If you do that, nothing will stand in their way...mainly themselves. 

Take a little time and self-assess where your child might be struggling with one or maybe two or more of these fears and you will begin to get to the root of the issue.

If this part of the manifesto has spoken to you, then continue reading…

Get to the core of what impacts your child's self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth that you can easily use in any situation to reverse their attitude and actions.

Teach your child The Mindset Method that creates a winning environment for them to manage challenges, adversity, or overcome any setback.

Get your child excited about the learning process, watch them cultivate any skill, ability, or talent, and stay motivated to work hard at any subject or activity.

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