Do you ever get stressed out because you hear them whining or complaining about not wanting to do something that you KNOW will help build them into powerful kids one day?
This might be their weekly practice session at some athletic sport, it might be school work, or it might be their daily chores and duties you set for them. All the items we add into our child’s life are there to build them in some way. We want them to learn, grow, and improve; however, when they are whining or complaining about how much they don’t want to do it, it sometimes pushes our stress levels over the top. Especially, if it happens every time you start to bring up the matter of them doing the task.
So, here’s my philosophy on it and how I approach motivating children to put their spirit into what they are doing. This way it builds champion principles in life to win with.
First, the philosophy behind the intention of building motivation starts with understanding two ways of motivating anyone (child, teen, or adult). Number one is fear, and number two is desire. You can threaten your child to do something and they will do it out of fear. However, this being a negative emotion you will only build a negative attitude toward what you are intending for them to learn. Desire being a positive emotion, you can help build a positive attitude toward practicing a sport, doing homework, and completing chores or tasks that need to be done.
Second, is about the willingness to take a different approach to building motivation. What I learned never works is trying to build motivation out of fear. This way only ends up creating a resistance to what I am hoping for them to learn which slows their learning, growth, and improvement. What I do now is teach champion principles. You as a parent are the ultimate teacher. They are a captivate audience which makes it an ideal time to teach since you are their first and last teachers in life – and will always be.
The first champion principle I teach is DESIRE. Desire for what…to win…to win at what…to win at life. I phrase it like this with a pause in the middle which I will explain in a second.
You see, it is about them learning what desire is. Why it is important in life, what it looks like, and how to apply it to everything they do or will do. This will be teaching them to have the desire to complete their chores, finish their homework, do their best, and be excited to achieve at life.
I start by teaching a fun lesson about desire by quizzing them and asking them to be part of the conversation. Do you remember those pauses I spoke about? This is where I pause and see if they can answer the question. I know we all are guilty for preaching to our children. We just stand or sit on our pulpit and deliver the message. Sometimes that message comes across positive to them, but many times, it comes across negative because of our approach. This approach can work to get the job done and is a good start, now, what if we consider doing it a different way?
Let’s look at a more impactful and inspirational way. My suggestion to help them positively build desire and make it theirs is to bring them into the conversation. If you are struggling with this, which I did in the beginning, I would grab a book that would help me teach from. The book I love on this is, The Psychology of Winning. I learned how to articulate to them what desire is and how important it was for them to learn. But, most importantly, I discovered that they had to find desire on their own. I could not force them to have it. So, I had to be willing to teach (in a more dynamic way) this over and over and over every chance I could until they found it themselves. This will take time, but worth every moment spent.
Understanding and doing it this way took ALL the stress off me. I let go of the illusion of control. I discovered that I am NOT in control of anyone – no matter their age! Our children are our children, but we can’t control how they think. We can inspire and teach them how to think; however, it is up to them to apply what you are teaching them to their life. They have to learn how to have the desire to win at life, they have to discover they are in control of their attitudes, and they have to be willing to learn how to stay motivated through the challenges in life.
Now let’s talk about the spirit of it. And, let’s be clear that we aren’t talking about religion. I am talking about your attitude toward the “thing” you are doing. In this case, it is going to be teaching them motivation; the desire to do their BEST at the given mental and/or physical action.
Teaching them to learn how to go out and do their best at everything, every time helps them develop a limitless belief system. It sort of imprints in their psyche and becomes part of them. The limitless belief system centers around three main factors: Fearless, Unstoppable, and Extraordinary.
We want them to be fearless in their spirit to learn what their potential is. We want our children to be unstoppable in their pursuit to be who they are meant to be. And, we want them to be extraordinary in their efforts to grow and improve every day of their life.
So, when you are teaching them the Champion Principles in Life, you have to have the willingness to elevate your attitude toward inspiring them to find their own motivation to become a winner and leader in their life. It isn’t easy and it takes practice on your part.
But, here’s the GOOD NEWS…children love to see adults learn and grow as well. Whenever I break out different books to read to them, they become excited and enthusiastic with desire to devour the content of the message. I read a bit and then insert my own story and message that I would like for them to receive. If your spirit is bored with growth, then theirs will be as well. You set the example, even if, it means that you have to approach your life differently.
Then, I help them memorize the key parts of the message with acronyms or simple one, two, three one-worded systems they can take and use everywhere. For example, we have the Champion Principles of the 3 As:
- Attitude
- Action
- Application
It all starts with the right attitude in life, doing our BEST (action), and using attitude and action everywhere (application) to have the winning outcomes we are looking for.
Motivation is one of the most challenging principles to teach children in life. It can become very stressful to push them to do anything or keep doing something they say they don’t like anymore. If you feel strongly that what you are having them do will build something powerful for them, then teaching them why they are doing this through knowledge will empower them to build powerful skills they will use the rest of their life.
Try this today with your child and see the difference it makes. Then, keep finding more principles to teach them. We have 26 principles we cover with our children.
All the best building your powerful child,