For parents whose child struggles to fit in, is being bullied, or is shy and timid.

INSPIRE - TEACH - BUILD

This is a practical and proven method for parents to solve their individual challenges to help improve their child's confidence, concentration, courage, drive, behavior, attitude, and so much more!

Note: This is Part 3 in a free four-part training series. Part 1 (Confidence Secrets) is here, Part 2 (It Isn't Your Fault) is here, and Part 4 (Parent-Coach Master Builder) is here.

Part 3 of 4

By: Jason Froehlich, Martial Arts Master, Cognitive Coach, and Author

I need to start with some context on this one before taking you down the rabbit hole of my mind...and thousands of hours in the trenches experience.

Making confidence stick for your child is going to be one of those things you make a mission out of in life. You see, confidence is much like a muscle. If you don’t use it or do things to keep strengthening it, it quickly begins to fade and weaken.

Those of us in this second group need a little more time with the building stage.

The problem that you face is finding ways to keep building that confidence muscle for your child. Things that are exciting, validating, and fascinating. This could be literally anything, but the pivotal part here is striking a balance between physical, mental, and invisible. 

The body builds the mind, the mind builds the body, and the mind-body connection builds the invisible (spirit, will, soul, or whatever word you use for it). So often we only focus on one part of this and forget that there is a big connection between all of this. 

One area might be behind in development, so you search for ways to improve it, but taking a trifecta approach at this becomes critical to an overall balance in confidence. 

The approach I’ve seen work best is the one thought of more like the game theory approach. This is a philosophy between a Finite vs. Infinite Player, I’ll explain in more detail in a minute. Simon Sinek famously talked about this in one of his TED Talks, so I encourage you to listen to the short video.

If you didn't watch the video, the premise of it was a significant difference between philosophy, approach, and the spirit of engaging in the pursuit of something. In this case we are going to look at the pursuit of confidence. 

Let’s use your child as an example. Say we decide to play the game of building, or strengthening their confidence. This could be viewed as a finite game with “known players, fixed rules, and an agreed upon objective.” This is much like all sports. We all agree upon the rules of whatever sporting game we are playing and at the end of the period of time allotted there is a winner and the game is over. If we approach it with this frame of mind, at the finish of the game we will have a winner. If you don’t reach your objective by the end, you are a loser. Think baseball, basketball, soccer, or football.

Then there is the infinite game, in this game “there are known and unknown players, the rules are changeable, and the objective is to keep the game in play, to perpetuate the game.”  The game isn’t played to win it is to keep playing and building upon its pieces. Think of a process that doesn’t have an end, just the objective to improve upon yourself each day. 

Here is where I want to lend my experience to you. I’ve seen the parents who come in with the objective to conquer this and win. To play (confidence building) like it is a game of soccer, the finite player. They want predetermined players, they want fixed rules, and they want a clear objective with a clear timeframe (usually four months or less). At the end of, let’s say four months, they tally up the points and either chalk it up as a win or a loss.

They drop it and move on. Next! Even if they did get a clear objective reached, they aren’t willing to stick around and improve any further.

This would be stable, but approaching it like a finite player, it becomes unstable and the finite player (read: mom or dad, or both) gets frustrated.

Building and keeping confidence isn’t a finite game. This is one of those life secrets where you want to keep it going, keep it growing, and keep strengthening it as life progresses.        

But, if you listen to the words of most parents they don’t know the game they are in. They want their child to be the best, they want them to be number one. That is… okay, but number 1 based on what measuring stick? Is it grades, awards, trophies, honor roll placements, school names,...in other words, what standard? 

When you think about it, it’s nonsense. It isn’t about someone being the best or better than someone else. 

It simply is learning to keep growing in life. To keep improving upon who you were yesterday, by just a small margin. But, most parents are playing the wrong game. That’s why they get frustrated or disappointed when they see their child suffering from low self-confidence or self-esteem. 

Great parents understand that they are playing to stay in the game of life and keep improving. One great pair of parents I worked with understood this very well. Shannon and Joel Hilton said to me one day, “We are raising two children to be adults. That is something we do everyday of their lives.” It’s about them growing and learning on their own while finding their own happiness. It’s about your child feeling secure and certain in their abilities, skills, and intelligence not because someone else told them so, but because they know so. 

Taking an infinite player approach drastically changes the way you make decisions, the way your child will make decisions, the way they view the world, and is truly confidence building.

Now, follow me here for a minute. If you teach them how to play the game of life with the philosophy, approach, and spirit of finding ways to keep their learning growing then they will have the motivation and desire to follow their dreams in life, make changes for the better, and believe in themselves through any situation.

If you teach them how to remove the philosophy of comparing or competing with others and teach them to compete and compare with only themselves, then they will see that it is a game they can play forever. That is when you get confidence to stick. 

Now, I have one final thought on this which wraps up my whole manifesto. I will also share a resource with you that I put together to help you teach this to your child. It is a powerful vehicle that changes all of their current attitude to be this infinite player.

We are creators. Each of us take our steps in life toward fulfilling our destiny. There seems to me some “force” pulling us toward our potential and reaching it to become something.

Get to the core of what impacts your child's self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth that you can easily use in any situation to reverse their attitude and actions.  

Get your child excited about the learning process, watch them cultivate any skill, ability, or talent, and stay motivated to work hard at any subject or activity.

Learn if The Mindset Method is right for your child in this video...

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