This is Part 1 through 10 in a ten-part free email training course. What you see here is a reprint from the emails I send out. The remaining parts of this training series are below categorized in a "table of contents" to make it easier for you to dine on the ones you are most interested in reading. 

I'm not here to toot my horn. I simply want to provide you with some context before you jump into the material. 

I have more than two decades of experience developing, executing, and improving my strategies for communicating with young kids ages 3 to 11 to refine a principle-based framework to successfully and predictably build trust, confidence, concentration, and courage, while advising and teaching other parents and coaches to do the same.  

I am deeply curious and a lifelong student fascinated by the mindset models, strategies, and processes that reliably deliver results and transformations in our human lives.  

I approach every student and relationship in the same spirit, encompassed in a simple question - if this were my own flesh and blood, what would I do to better understand and communicate with them to help them be who they are meant to be?  

I hope you enjoy this mini-email course on how to communicate with your child to build trust and confidence and harvest some insights into doing it for your relationships.

Welcome!

As promised when you subscribed to Building Powerful Kids Mindset Method Parent-Coach Series this will be a ten-part email series that will be broadly useful to all parents - even if you’re not looking for a confidence building program.

I’m going to do my best to keep these emails to a thousand words or less to respect your time. 

If after this series - or anytime during - you feel what I’m teaching isn’t relevant to you or your parenting style, preferences, or convictions please scroll down to the bottom of this email and unsubscribe (no hard feelings). 

My version of coaching and teaching is not for everyone, heck it isn’t for most parents. But, unless I’m mistaken, you aren’t like most parents.

This series - which I called BPK MMPC (you’ll see this in each email subject line) - will clarify much of the ‘conventional wisdom’ on coaching that makes up the parenting/coaching/teaching space. This will all make more sense as the series continues.

One last word before I get started…

One of my main principles is to challenge everything. Don’t just believe something on blind faith. I’m constantly course correcting on this journey as I learn new things, pressure-test ideas in my ‘lab’, get clear on established thinking, and change my mindset when I discover what I believe or understand is flawed.

With that said, I encourage you to push back when my ideas are in conflict with your experience and convictions. On the flip side, when I help you learn something new or unlock some new clarity or insights in your thinking, please let me know. Hit the reply button and your email will come directly to me. (It might take me awhile to get back to you, but I appreciate your time).  

Anyway, let’s get going…

First, it’s important that I start with some context. Let’s begin by identifying what we all want as parents, then I’m going to explain a step-by-step way to get it (which will come in this and the next nine emails).

What is confidence?

As we start this email series on building your child’s confidence, we first must start by defining what confidence is...and then importantly, what it is not.

The literal definition of confidence is “the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something”. Then conversely, the opposite of confidence is the feeling that one cannot rely on someone or something. 

What does this mean for your child? 

If you have a confident child, they believe in themselves-- in their ability to do things, know things, learn things, and try new things. 

If your child struggles with confidence (and for most of you, that is why you are here) they do not believe in one or more of these aspects within themselves. 

They might not believe in their ability to learn something, or to perform some sort of task or job even if they have done it a thousand times before.

There seems to be some invisible “force” holding them back.

I will tell you a little story to iterate my point here.

I was not always the best or brightest student in the classroom, but I tried really hard and wanted to succeed. One day in eighth grade, my math teacher was answering students questions about what math classes would be like next year. 

We had the option of taking algebra, geometry or remedial math. 

I really looked up to my math teacher because he was also my basketball coach. You could say that I had a strong desire to impress him, as he was afterall the coach of the only sports team I had ever been on up to that point. 

So, even though I was shy, I raised my hand and declared that I was going to take algebra the following year. 

In front of the entire class, he told me that I was not very good at math and that I would not do well in algebra. He advised me, again in front of the whole room of students, to take the remedial math class being offered. 

I was mortified. Crushed really. 

This man whom I greatly looked up to offer me guidance and coaching tore me down in front of all of my peers. 

Well in the moment, I kind of laughed it off to try to save myself embarrassment, but I was absolutely devastated and sat there quietly for the rest of the class period. 

My confidence in my abilities as a student absolutely plummeted and subsequently, my self-confidence in all that I was doing went down the drain as well.

It took me a long time and a lot of hard work to come back from that place of no confidence.

Some of you parents out there might have seen something like this happen to your own child. Or, you might suspect that it did. Or, perhaps some of those kids out there lack confidence and we truly have no idea why. 

Either way, lacking confidence in oneself is a challenging thing to live with on a daily basis and it is even more challenging to overcome. 

Sometimes an offhand comment, bullying, or a constant stream of criticism is all it takes to shatter your child’s confidence. Even if unintentional, these situations like I was in in eighth grade can have lasting effects on a child's ability to believe they can accomplish things, learn things, or try something new or hard.

I could have decided to take remedial math and more broadly let forces outside of my own control determine how I was going to think about myself and my abilities. 

But, my parents saw how much this affected me and over the course of the summer they spent every day helping to build my confidence back up. 

In the end, I took algebra and passed, thank you very much! 

But more importantly, my parents helped me with the shift in my confidence that I needed to continue to be a champion in life.

In tomorrow’s email we will discuss what happens when your child has “failed” at something and how to help them manage it on their own.

In this ten-part series, yesterday’s email was about defining what confidence is and what it isn’t. If you haven’t already, read the email first.

Today, let’s talk about failing, and the fear that comes with it.

When did failure become a naughty word? Hasn’t everyone failed in one thing or another in their lives? I can think of countless things I have failed at in life. Tests, classes, belt promotion tests in martial arts, business endeavors and the list goes on! 

As a kid, we are taught (usually in school) that failure is not an acceptable option. We are told that getting an F is the worst possible outcome of taking a test or class. We are told in PE class, on fitness assessment day, that we either get 10 push-ups or we fail. 

But why is this a bad thing? What if we reframe failure to mean something else other than the total lack of succeeding? 

I propose we teach our children that as long as we prepare as much as possible, and try our absolute hardest, that if we fail, it’s just a springboard to another learning opportunity. Additionally, it can be a lesson in determination and building a positive Never-Give-Up attitude. 

A very famous example of failing comes from Harry Potter author JK Rowling. 

Chances are if you are a parent, you know of Harry Potter. 

But, did you know that Harry Potter’s author JK Rowling was rejected by 12 publishers until she finally found one willing to publish Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone? 

Twelve publishers did not see any potential in her vision and told her she would not make any money with that book! 

Now, Harry Potter and The Sorcerer’s Stone remains one of the most selling fiction books of all time, twenty-three years AFTER it was first published! 

In interviews, JK Rowling states that she knew she had a good idea and with each no, she was more and more determined to find someone that believed in her vision as much as she did. 

Imagine if she had given up the first time a publisher told her no? Or the second time, or third, or eleventh! We would never have been given the chance to live the magic of the Harry Potter book series, then subsequently the movies, merchandise and now theme parks! 

This is what I mean about reframing failure. 

If your child prepares and tries as hard as they can and still fails, try showing them that not giving up is the best option (especially, when they believe in what they want). 

Encourage them to continue preparing, doing their best, and to keep going until they reach their goal. They might find that a new better possibility arises out of the failure. 

And for you mom or dad, that is one step they get closer to developing the confidence to shake off criticism, bounce back from being laughed at for trying, and learning how to stand up for themselves when bullied without you having to worry about them feeling like a failure. 

As Winston Churchill said, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal, it is the courage to continue that counts.”

It will not be easy, but it will be worth it.

The FEAR of failing will still be there, but with your encouragement and their persistence to keep preparing and trying they will learn how to manage and have the courage to face failing as just a stepping stone to another opportunity to grow and become stronger. 

They will discover that challenges (those that come with the possibility of failing, making a mistake, or looking foolish to others) are the best risks to learn from.

They will see tough situations as their springboard to success. So, encourage them to challenge themselves, even if failing is one of the possible outcomes.  

In tomorrow’s email, I’m going to discuss “Earning it” and how you can get this simple principle to be a key to success for your child.

(Reminder: this is part three of a ten-part series. If you haven’t already, please read the first and second emails.)

Today’s topic is earning it.

Have you ever been in a sporting event or a class where everyone that showed up got an award? Maybe a participation trophy, or an honorable mention award. When you came in dead last, and you still went home with a shiny trophy, did you feel like you actually won something or did it make you question the method? 

For me, if I was ever involved in a sporting event that gave out more than first, second, or third place I would instantly question the whole event. What was the criteria they used to judge the winners if everyone was going home with an award anyways? 

Why did I work so hard if all I needed to do was show up?

I argue that this idea of everyone gets a trophy is actually eroding children’s confidence.

And, I’m not saying life is all about winning or losing. It is about teaching your child to learn how to earn it if they want it. For them to fuel the motor of desire within. 

When I first started to run my martial arts school I had one parent in the class that believed that everyone who showed up should get a prize. 

At one of our belt tests, his son clearly was not going to “pass” his test. He didn’t practice (prepare), he had a bad attitude, and he was not any further along than he was at his last test. 

I could not in good consciousness promote him to the next level as I would the rest of his peers. And I told him that. I did not tell him in front of all of the other students, I was not looking to embarrass him, but I did tell him after the test that he did not pass. 

This kid lost it. He cried and told me he wanted to quit the whole program. He was clearly not used to failing or earning something. His father, where the apple obviously came from, uttered this exact statement to me “Just throw the kid a bone and give him a belt.” 

I was shocked! 

This father was watching in the school during his son’s test and saw how poorly the child was behaving, how bad of an attitude he was displaying and the obvious lack of practice and effort he showed up with that day. 

Matter of fact, the father even made comments about his son’s poor attitude and performance. 

I told this father flat out, there was no way I was going to promote him to the next level when he did not earn it. 

This was not a matter of me trying to be right, or me trying to bully kids. Absolutely not. This was a matter of not wanting to downgrade the hard work that all of the other students put into their own tests. 

The other student’s showed up ready to work and to earn their new color belt. They showed up with a positive attitude and did their best. 

Did all of the other students have perfect mechanics, a perfect understanding of martial arts and were the next Karate Kid? Of course not! 

But the difference was, those other kids tried and did their best and EARNED the award.

If I had promoted the child that did absolutely nothing to earn it, it would have sent the message to the rest of the kids that they didn’t need to try to get what they wanted. 

Their confidence would have actually gone down because they would no longer believe they actually had what it took to earn their next level. 

And for the child who did not really earn it, if I had promoted him that day, he would have learned that earning anything in life is overrated because all he had to do is the absolute bare minimum anyways. 

What a terrible message that would have been to all of those kids...and to their parents who were paying me to help their children build confidence and be a leader in their life.

If you haven’t picked up the book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck, I highly recommend you do. On page 173, there is a story with the message about boosting self-esteem and the possible “growth mindset” options that a parent could take with a child who has failed or not earned something.

Let me share the story from the book one father actually said to his daughter after her gymnastics event.  

“Elizabeth, I know how you feel. It’s so disappointing to have your hopes up and to perform your best but not to win. But you know, you haven’t really earned it yet. There were many girls there who’ve been in gymnastics longer than you and who’ve worked a lot harder than you. If this is something you really want, then it’s something you’ll have to work for.”

Telling her she didn’t deserve this might sound heartless, but it was said really tactfully by this father. After taking this to heart, Elizabeth went on to practice harder and work on her routines (especially the weak ones) and earned five ribbons at her next event.    

If you're curious about the case of the father in my school, and how the story ends, that particular child stopped coming to my school and the father went around bad mouthing me. 

I am glad that I stuck to my guns though because I have my weekly live virtual kids martial arts program and self-paced courses for one reason. To help parents build their children’s self-confidence and self-esteem. 

This is my passion, my mission in life and always my ultimate goal. 

So, do I believe that everyone deserves a trophy who shows up? Emphatically no. 

I do believe in children working hard and earning their awards. This I believe is the way for them to build true confidence that they are able to achieve things in life they really want. 

In tomorrow’s email, I will explain three ways for you to help your child  self-motivate!

(Reminder: this is part four of a ten-part email series. If you haven’t already, please read the first, second, and third email.)

Have you ever read Lanny Bassham’s book With Winning in Mind? If not, that is my second highly recommended book you should read. 

I use the principles all the time in my classroom, and it can quickly build your child’s self-confidence. 

But, this is not just a book for coaches, teachers, managers, leaders, athletes, or high-performers. It is for anyone - parents included. 

The core concept of the book is this: no one is perfect, sometimes you are great, sometimes you are good, and sometimes you just need work. 

I’ll tell you a little story about this that happened in my classroom...now this story involves an adult, not a child but the concept is the same and therefore I feel is still valuable for you - plus it’s something I see in my youth program all the time. 

My wife trains at my school in Boxing and Muay Thai. (She actually has achieved her black belt now, but this story takes place long before this.)

When she first started to train with me I saw right away that she had a total perfectionist mindset. She did ballet for most of her formative years and that idea of perfection in all movements has apparently never left her. 

So, when she first started training in Muay Thai she wanted to be perfect and she wanted that to happen immediately. Well, unless you are a total martial arts prodigy, this was not going to be the case. 

She would get so frustrated with herself, with me, with the training and she would beat herself up each time she was learning something new that she was not 100% good at the first time she did it. 

She would use negative self-talk when she wouldn’t get things “right” and she would often use the phrase “that was stupid”. If she missed a kick, “that was stupid” if she missed a block, “that was stupid” and so on and so forth. 

This went on for about a year until I finally had to tell her enough! You are not stupid, what you are doing is not stupid, you are new at this and are learning. 

I banned the word stupid from my classroom. From then on, whenever she did something that she normally would deem “stupid” she would have to say either “that was good enough” or “it just needs work”. 

From then on, I saw a huge shift in her ability to train and leave feeling good about herself. She started to realize that there were things she was great at (her low line leg kicks for example!), things she was good at and things that just needed work--and then she would work on them. 

Well, in typical feel-good-movie fashion, once she realized that this positive self-talk was working for her, her skills developed exponentially and she went on to perform one of the best black belt tests my school has ever seen. 

Why am I telling you this story? 

Because the philosophy or positive self-talk works on all age groups! 

If your child is one that feels he/she needs to be perfect ALL THE TIME and is hard on themselves when they have a set-back, well maybe it’s time to introduce those three new phrases into their vocabulary. 

Instead of “I finally did it, took me long enough”, “I can’t do anything right”, “that was stupid”...

Replace with “that was great!”, “that was a good try” or “you know what, it just needs work.”

Champions and leaders, those that take a tough situation, a challenge, or bad circumstances, turn them into wins with a unique mindset. 

They have developed a way to “look” at life through a positive lens. They learned how to switch challenges into opportunities. 

It isn’t something they were born with, so it is something anyone can learn.

It starts young. When they are the age of your child, but us adults benefit from a shift in mindset as well.

Here’s how it works with positive self-talk and how to teach it to your child - By the way, a great book on self-talk is: What To Say When You Talk To Yourself.

When your child gets the desired outcome they had planned and prepared for with a solid performance and effort have them say to themselves, “Great job.”

Have them validate themselves for taking the necessary steps to get the results they were looking for. They put the work in, they prepared, they stepped outside their comfort zone, and they followed through without giving up. 

When your child doesn’t get the complete desired outcome, but still does good, have them go through the same steps as before but by saying, “good job, I still did good enough and I can always do better when I get another chance.”  

Now, if they don’t even get close to their desired outcome or results, but they prepared, they did their best, and they finished what they started, then have them learn the most valuable positive self-talk they can “it just needs work”! 

We can’t win all the time, but we can create the mindset to win even when we don’t get our desired results.

This is the beginner’s most powerful weapon against fear, doubt, or self-pity,

Have them validate themselves for all the determination and dedication and to remind them that even champions come in last sometimes. But, the difference is champions tell themselves, “I just need to work at it a little longer and figure out how to get better.”

And then they work on whatever it is that needs to improve. 

Now, if they are getting this perfectionist expectation from other sources, such as a teacher, a grandparent, a sibling or elsewhere, have that other person consider adopting this new philosophy of self-motivation. 

If that is not possible, explain to your child that although some people have unrealistic expectations, or a negative way of speaking, it doesn’t mean that they have to take that negativity on themselves. 

They can accept that person for who they are, understand that they probably just want the best for them, but then self-motivate in a positive way. 

In the next email, we will discuss why “That’s easy” is one of the worst phrases your child can say.

(Reminder: this is part five of a ten-part email series. If you haven’t already, please read the first, second, third, and fourth email.)

One of the simplest phrases that has the potential to corrode a child’s confidence is “That’s easy”.

This phrase does a couple things in a child’s mind, and subsequently to their confidence:

1. It has the power to instill fear into another child’s mind when they hear it and whatever activity they are engaged in is not coming easy for them. For example, when I was young I was not very good at math (see email #1 for a story about this) so when the teacher wrote a problem on the board and another student said “That’s easy!” and solved the problem quickly, I was very discouraged because the problem was not at all easy for me. I was fearful that the teacher would inevitably call on me and I would have to admit in front of the whole class that what some perceived as easy was actually very difficult for me. 

2. “That’s easy” has the potential to also create a sense that everything should be easy. If your child says that something they are doing is easy, say spelling a long word, they then have the potential to create the expectation for themselves that all spelling should come easy. When they then encounter a word that is not in fact easy to spell (definitely always gets me!) they can begin to feel stupid, doubt their own skills, erode their own confidence, and avoid taking risks or challenges to improve themselves because something they once thought of as easy is no longer so.

3. Additionally, the phrase “That’s easy” can ultimately mean the child is not working hard enough. In my martial arts classroom, if I heard that being said by a student to any of the drills, skills or techniques we were working on, my immediate response is always “If it is easy, you aren’t making it challenging enough for yourself. You need to figure out a way to make it harder!” Why settle for something that is easy to do, and therefore has little potential to help you grow when you can challenge yourself to push harder, longer, faster and see how much more you can accomplish?

Now, it isn’t always about taking life so seriously. But, when you have your child doing things to grow and expand their horizons with “That’s easy” is a slippery slope. 

So, now that we know more about this destructive phrase, what can you help your child substitute in its place?

In the example of the math problem, instead of “That’s easy” have them say “I know how to solve this”. This way, they are confident in their skills and believe in their abilities, yet they are not putting down anyone else who may be struggling.

Plus, if your child gets it wrong, makes a mistake, or fails a test they don’t let those circumstances define who they are. 

They simply see it as, “Okay, I thought I knew how to solve it, but I guess I didn’t. Let me work at it and figure out where I made my mistake.”   

They develop a limitless mindset. One they learn and grow with.

For our spelling example if your child thinks the words they have are very easy to spell, then I would challenge them to find words they do not already know and work on learning those. 

This can work for a myriad of other examples. In my classroom, for example, if a student told me that round kicks are “easy”, I would challenge them to see if they can work more on achieving better balance, better mechanics, better timing or better power. Round kicks (or any other activity for that matter) should never be “easy” because there will always be room for improvement and increased performance. 

Lastly, I would say that if your child thinks something is “easy” maybe the next logical progression for them is to work on challenging their own mind and figuring out ways to make it hard again. 

Unless your child is a prodigy (and if they are, great!) then everything was once hard at some point. Rolling over, sitting up, crawling, walking, talking...everything was once new and difficult to everyone. 

Therefore, the best course of action is to get your children back to trying to figure out what the next milestone is, the next step and the next progression will be. 

Let them discover their own confidence by encouraging them to push past what’s easy and what could potentially be.

In the next email, we will discuss why it is important for your child’s confidence to let them fail...and then learn how to stand back up on their own.

(Reminder: this is part six of a ten-part email series. If you haven’t already, please read the first, second, third, fourth, and fiveth email.)

I know many parents who have all told me that the day their child was born, they vowed to never let anything bad ever happen to them. 

Then, as they get older and older, the parents realize that maybe this is not possible. 

They want their child to learn to walk, so they allow them to stand and fall down until they learn to put one foot in front of the other. 

They want them to learn how to do math, so they let them do homework, study, take tests and learn from the teachers' corrections. 

I think you get my point here. You inherently want to look out for your child and make sure no harm or hurt ever befalls them. 

But in order for your child to learn about the world and grow into a confident and capable adult, you realize you need to let them fall and learn how to get back up on their own. 

I have a wonderful story about a former student of mine who learned how to get knocked down (literally) and then get back up!

I will call this student Barry. 

Barry came to me at 9 years old. He was shy and would be characterized as having very little confidence. 

He suffered from negative self-talk and would berate himself when he would make mistakes or failed attempts that resulted in him falling down (getting knocked down is both literal and figurative in martial at times). 

His negative self-talk would eventually spiral into self-loathing and he would retreat into himself. This was the reason his parents brought him to me in the first place. They had been trying to talk him through this for a long time. 

So, Barry started working on his martial arts--his punches, kicks, grappling etc. What was happening behind the scenes though was his confidence was growing with each day he put into his practice. 

Through his hard work, determination, and desire he turned those moments in class when he would fall, fail, or have to do it over into confidence building moments. 

He was learning that he was not going to be perfect at everything right away and he would have to learn through trial and error. 

After three years and eight months, Barry tested and earned his junior black belt! 

It was a challenging test. He had to complete six rounds of sparring and grappling with three different opponents. 

He had to display self-control, desire, determination, dedication, and discipline all six rounds. That he did like a true leader and champion.

But, more important than this final test for Barry, was that he had taken the lessons from every failed attempt, mistake, or do over and blossomed into a super confident young man! 

By picking himself up off the ground, course correcting, and accepting the process he now has earned a powerful self-image.

He did something special. He kept trying every day and used the lessons throughout it all to reframe his negative self-talk (see email #4). 

When Barry switched the negative self-talk, the self-loathing disappeared along with it. Then, he was able to learn from his “mistakes” and use that to get stronger, more confident and happier.

A few years after he left my program, in April of 2020 to be exact, his mom reached out to me on Facebook. This was in the beginnings of the Covid-19 pandemic as our world was getting rocked. His world as a high school student was in flux and his mom and him were trying to navigate all of the daily changes. Here is his mom’s message to me below:

"We haven’t seen you in quite some time but wanted to share. The tools you gave Barry while earning his junior black belt have been used so much since he went through middle school and now in high school. But never as much during this time. His life, as with all of us, changed drastically. Overnight. But he dug in and figured it out with very little help required by me. I saw the look many times, you know the one, when he got knocked down on the mat or lost his match? But he’d pull himself together and get it done. You did that. We are forever grateful."

This message is amazing and I am so grateful that she reached out to me and shared this. 

However, I don’t believe this incredible transformation Barry went through was my doing. 

I shared the tools with him and encouraged him along the way (and at times administered the tough love he needed), but it was up to him to take in these lessons and apply them to improve himself. 

It was also up to him to continue to use those lessons, even years after being in my program, to get through one of the toughest times his (and many other) generations have ever been through. 

The concept I am really wanting to convey today is that we as coaches, teachers, and parents is that we have to let them learn how to solve this on their own. 

That means we need to make challenges available to them and we need to let them fail, make mistakes, get knocked down...and then at the same token, they have to learn how to get themselves back up. 

That is tough to watch. We want to step in and do it for them. 

But remember, you’ve already learned how to win from your failed attempts, mistakes, and falls in life. 

And yes, you will be there always to help them if they really need it--but it is ultimately up to them to figure it out. 

They need to know what defeat, failure, losing feels like, so they know what triumph feels like. 

When they learn how to get themselves up off their booty (figuratively or literally) to stand on top of the winner’s podium, the confidence they will gain will be life-changing. 

In tomorrow’s email, I am going to share with you the power of process and how it can be a life-changer for your child’s attitude, performance, behavior, and happiness.

(Reminder: this is part seven of a ten-part email series. If you haven’t already, please read the first, second, third, fourth, fiveth, and sixth email.)

Like we discussed in yesterday’s email, it is important to allow your child to make mistakes and then learn from them to become more confident. But how is this accomplished? 

Simply put, it is a process.

I am going to unpack a concept and share a story to help give you some insight into what you allow your child to experience, and build a story around that will carry forward into their whole life. 

Going from a shy or fearful child to a confident child, teen, or even adult does not happen overnight. It takes time, work and determination. It also means that you have to be willing to not be perfect from the start, but just keep trying. 

Okay, let me unpack this concept for you first.

If you’ve seen the movie Inside Out (a great kid’s movie that gives you some insights into the mind), you will understand that your child has five core memories. 

Each one is associated with an experience or moment in their life. 

Because the mind, with the help of our sensory inputs, works like a camcorder it records the experience in images. 

Those images are put together into a story they can play back anytime they want.

Therefore, the story they tell themselves about who they are, what they  believe, what makes them happy, and what they can do are formulated by the experiences they have and what they do with those experiences.  

Let me share a story with you about this…

I have this one student, Uriah, who came to me when he was seven years old.

He was very uncoordinated. Actually, very uncoordinated is an understatement. 

Uriah didn’t know his right from left, his front from back or how to move any of his limbs in a coordinated way. Because of this, he wasn’t very “athletic” by his school and peers standards.

The experiences he had up to that point were ones of being made fun of during sports and PE. 

Because of this, he had very little confidence and would second guess everything because he just assumed he couldn’t do it.

His self-worth and self-image had been crushed over and over. To the point it spilled over into his academic progression. 

But, Uriah had a secret force lying within. He had the desire to want to improve, grow, get stronger, and believe in himself. 

He wanted to learn coordination, athleticism and he even wanted to compete at Muay Thai. 

So, Uriah came to class four days a week, every single week, and worked and worked and worked. I didn’t tell him too, I only gave him the option two, three, or four days. It was up to him. 

For a while he always doubted that he could do anything but he always tried everything. He just went for it.

And up until about eighteen months into his training, he was the last student finished with warm up and the last student to figure out the techniques he was shown.

Many students who started in the program after him passed him up in warm up and techniques. But, he didn’t let that stop him. 

This was the key for Uriah - perseverance. 

He trusted in the process (and the message he was getting) and that eventually he would get better...and by golly he did! 

I can still see hesitation in Uriah’s movements. He is still a little unsure of himself, even 5 years later as a Junior Black Belt, but he is leaps and bounds further along than where he was when he started. 

He’s competed in many Muay Thai competitions and still loves coming to class four days a week to learn how to keep progressing. 

This is what it takes to allow your child, teen, or even maybe yourself to become more confident. 

Trusting in the process, not trying to be perfect right off the starting line and working to get better.

The other key element to this is that Uriah had a father who works tirelessly with him and never gives up on him. Even when he has to give tough love messages, because Uriah wants to quit, he trusts in the process. 

The way I see it is no child is behind in academics, athleticism, learning abilities, concentration, or any skill development. 

It is if you are willing to stick to a process that gives your child the means to be challenged enough to figure it out on their own. 

To avoid a perfectionist approach. 

And, to encourage them to concentrate on small improvements.

A really good resource for this concept is the book Range by David Epstein. 

In this book you will learn that providing your child with the process of experimenting it will catch them up in anything. 

In tomorrow’s email, I will share with you about the concept of improvement and how you can improve any areas of importance you want in your child.

(Reminder: this is part eight of a ten-part email series. If you haven’t already, please read the first, second, third, fourth, fiveth, sixth, and seventh email.)

“You miss 100% of the shots you never take.” Wayne Gretzky

I bet you have heard that quote before. It is pretty well known. 

Another awesome quote I love is “Hard work beats talent when talent fails to work hard” which was first coined by high school basketball coach Tim Notke.

You can probably begin to see where this email is going to go today. 

We are going to be talking about improvement and how to help your child improve anything...especially their confidence, concentration, and courage. 

I’m going to first unravel some insights into improvement and then share a story again with you to help see how this works.

You can’t improve something you’re not doing. 

So, improving your child’s confidence will come down to doing something that will challenge them to grow.

Let me explain that concept. 

Doing the easy things, or taking the simple route, never works on forcing you to grow.  

Staying within your comfort zone will only keep you in the comfort zone. If you have the desire to want more, then it will take the courage to be pushed outside your comfort zone.

So, if you want your child to build confidence and a powerful self-image it is going to take your courage to challenge them, search for ways to get them out of their comfort zone, and push them at times to face their inner fears of failing, making a mistake, or looking foolish (read email #1).

Let me share part of my personal story with you to help clarify some of these details...

Let’s take a journey back to my own adolescence, in Dickinson, North Dakota. 

I grew up on a farm and cattle ranch. My mother and father were farmers and ranchers, as were their parents. 

They knew a thing or two about hard work and the importance of earning your keep.

In addition to this, my parents knew the need for education and how important it was to improve and grow.

So, at the tender age of five I began working the farm with my father and older brother. 

I was carrying 5 gallon pails of water and feed through corrals of huge hungry animals. I would be awoken in the middle of the night to go help when one of the cows was birthing a calf, or if the fence broke and the cattle got out. 

I learned from a very early age what it was like to work hard and get better at what you were doing. If you didn’t, something probably died. 

Now, death comes in many different forms. It doesn’t have to be physical. 

What I wanted more than anything was to study martial arts when I was young. I saw it on TV and I wanted to be Bruce Lee.

I started punching and kicking and practicing any number of wrestling moves on my big brother in our living room in front of the tv.

He would whip me everytime.

My dad filled a gunny sack with grain and hung it in the barn for me as a makeshift heavy bag. 

My father and I would watch Boxing, so I would put on his big leather work gloves and punch that bag for as long as they would let me. 

If I thought I wasn’t good at a certain technique, I would practice it over and over and over until I had it down. In short, I worked to improve it - just like we did with everything on the farm. 

When I finally was able to go to the one and only martial arts school in my tiny hometown (at the age of eighteen), I was not a prodigy by any means. 

I was not flexible, and because I was self-taught I was not as far along as some of the other students. 

But, I had something going for me that the other students didn’t have...I was hungry to learn and I worked harder than anyone else ever did on improving my skill. 

I would show up early for class and practice what we had learned the day before. 

I would stay after class hoping to absorb more information from the next class. 

I would come in on my days off and watch the other classes train. And at home, I practiced over and over again. 

In a few short months, I was winning competitions, leading classes, teaching new students and even helping coach the black belt classes way before I was a black belt. 

Again, this was not because I was some natural Bruce Lee or anything, but because I wanted to improve more than anything. 

I knew I wanted to practice martial arts for the rest of my life from day one. 

To sum my little story up in a few words-- I took the shots. 

In the beginning only about 10% landed, but I worked to improve on the other 90% I wasn’t making. 

If I hadn’t tried as hard as I did, if I didn’t practice my punches and kicks over and over day after day, if I didn’t take the shot, I wouldn’t have progressed as far and as fast as I did in my martial arts training. 

I wouldn’t have been one of five Marines chosen to represent the All Marine Corps in the All Armed Forces Tae Kwon Do Tournament in 1997. I wouldn’t have been one of the three Marines that year to represent the Marine Corps at the US Nationals. I wouldn’t be here today trying to impart all of this love and experience to you and your children. 

This is one of the biggest lessons I teach my students in every class. You just have to try. You don’t have to be perfect, but you do have to step outside your comfort zone or there won’t be anything forcing you to grow. 

We only have two more days left. So, in tomorrow’s email I am going to share my experience with choices and which ones will improve your child’s life.

(Reminder: this is part nine of a ten-part email series. If you haven’t already, please read the first, second, third, fourth, fiveth, sixth, seventh, and eighth email.)

You’ve come a long way with me and I truly appreciate your time.

If you get nothing else from these emails, I hope they give you some great insights, tools, and tips to help you improve your child’s confidence, concentration, or courage.

The hardest thing to watch as a parent is your child hanging their head low or hearing them put themselves down. It shatters parts of you that seem irreparable.

So today, I want to talk to you about something - choices.

It is said we are a product of the choices we make.

I would agree with that, but I would also agree with the fact that “we don’t drown because we submerge ourselves in the river, it’s because we allow ourselves to stay submerged”.

Again, that can be a choice. 

The choice to stay submerged is ours.

I hope you get my metaphor.

The choice for our child’s self-esteem, self-confidence, or self-image is the one you make for our child.

Yes, they have to build it, but you have to give them the tools.

There are only two choices and one suggestion I have when it comes to many things in life. Transformation of your child’s mindset falls into one of these three categories. 

1. Do nothing and stay in the same place as currently (no need for improvement). There might be various reasons why you’d make this choice, but if you are content with your child’s confidence, esteem, or self-image, then there is nothing you need to do.

2. Read hundreds (may be thousands) of hours of information in books, blogs, magazines, etc and figure this thing out on your own through your own ‘laboratory’ of trial and error. Being self-taught is one of the most powerful things in life. This is a really good choice.

3. This one is a suggestion - get help from someone. 

Let me briefly expand on each of these for you to have a clearer understanding of the concept. Clarity never hurts, so let’s clear the fog.

#1: Do nothing…

If you choose to do nothing, it doesn’t mean you don’t care. It doesn’t even mean that you feel your child is “perfect” or they don’t need improvement.

I think if you’ve read this far you’re like me and feel the biggest room in the world is the room for improvement. 

So, there most definitely is something you’d like to help with.

But, it might mean that timing isn’t right at this moment. There is no need to feel bad or terrible or anything for that matter.

If timing isn’t right, you aren’t ready, or there is a more pressing matter at this time, then there is no need to do anything other than stay on this email list. 

This won’t be the last series of emails you get from me. I am always sending out messages to help, to give insights, and to share my course corrections when I find my material is flawed. 

#2: Self-taught...

If there is one secret I’ve learned it’s that others might guide us or shine light on something we don’t understand yet, BUT we teach ourselves everything.

Being self-taught, or learning you can teach yourself anything, is one of the  most empowering lessons you can learn in life.

You don’t need me or anyone else. 

You will always be your child’s first and last teacher in life. They will come to you forever. You will affect their life in amazing ways. 

If you feel this is something you want a go at by yourself, stay on this email list, read the various insights on my blog/website, read the books I recommend, find your own that resonate with you, and put what you learn into practice.

That’s really what I’ve done with this program and my life. I know we don’t do this thing called life by ourselves, but we have the power within to make all changes.

Make your life with your child fun, but also make it the laboratory where you discover ways to inspire them, teach them, and build them into powerful kids, teens, and adults. 

They will remember and be grateful you did years down the road.

Will you make mistakes, fail at some stuff, and look foolish at times? Yes. I surely have. But, don’t let that stop you.

#3: Get help…

Because this is a suggestion, I will keep this one very short.

Not everyone is ready for it. Some need more time. Some need more information. Some just need more of “something”. 

I am totally okay with that. I am that way too. I’m not ready to jump in with both feet yet. Sometimes, I’m not even ready to test the waters. 

I just need to let it marinate in my mind for a bit. 

But, if you feel you’d like to get help figuring this thing out, then I’m going to share two different yet similar resources with you tomorrow.

I’ll outline both resources in tomorrow’s email for you. 

Until tomorrow, have a great day...

(Reminder: this is part ten of a ten-part email series. If you haven’t already, please read the first, second, third, fourth, fiveth, sixth, seventh, eighth, and ninth email.)

This email is for you if you are looking for ways to get help building your child’s confidence, concentration, or courage.

If this isn’t you, yet, then don’t worry. You can read this email, look at the resources available, or just skip it for today.

I don’t feel I need to “sell” you on anything, persuade you to do something, NLP you into a buyer’s trance, or anything associated with influencing you to think if you don’t get in now, then you are missing the most important opportunity of a lifetime.

I’ve been in that world of smoke and mirrors, sell’em selle’m sell’em most of my adult life. It doesn’t help you.

Plus, it makes me feel like I need to shower all the grim off at the end of the day.

I’m here to help you. So, if you feel you are ready I’ve put together two resources. 

The first is a self-driven, self-paced video course I call The Mindset Method Parent-Coach System.

I’ll share more in a minute.

The second is my weekly “workshop”. I call it a workshop because every week Monday through Thursday I’m on a live virtual zoom Mindset Method Martial Arts Training Program with parents and kids ages 6-11.

Again, I will share more about this program in a minute, but let’s talk about the first resource.

If you are the type of parent who likes to do this on your own and follow a more self-paced, self-driven method that you can do when you have the time, then I think this resource would be a great choice for you.

You can read way more about it here.

I took my “baby” (you’ll read more about that soon) and put it into a set of video courses you just follow along to. It truly is a best-in-class self-paced training for parent and child.  

And remember, there are no limited-time offers, no countdown timers telling you that you only have 2 days left to make a decision or it’s gone forever, or any other “salesy” sleazeball tactics. 

If it is something you like, then the choice is yours. I give you all the details here.

The second resource is my “baby”. 

This is the one I’ve been working on, tweaking, and course correcting until it was the best-in-class Martial Arts Program that I could offer. 

It has been the one I’ve been most proud of over the last ten years. It is the one I started in my little local community of Folsom, CA.

It is the one everyone raves about. 

I switched the format of it to help parents and children all over the world have access through virtual channels, but it is exactly the same as if you were in my classroom in Folsom. 

It’s what I call my Building Powerful Kids Mindset Method Parent-Coach Martial Arts Program.

This is a weekly class where students and parents can attend a minimum of two days per week, and have the option to train up to four days per week.

It is a commitment on your part, but it is a month-to-month program. You don’t have to sign up for long contracts. You can stop anytime.

The training is done in a live zoom room where I provide the full instruction, help you learn how to coach them, and build them into powerful kids that are confident, courageous, and concentrate on tasks at hand. 

I take them through the Martial Arts Program I created in that little gym where they get the chance to be challenged, grow their skills, and build character through life skill lessons they learn each month. 

They get to earn different ranks from white belt to junior black belt. And, they get to have FUN doing it while improving their self-image.

In addition to all that, they learn self-defense skills and how to deal with bullies or stop them. 

You can read more details about that program here. 

When you are ready for that program, or you just want to test out the waters, you can request a free class trial by going here as well.

No matter what choice you make, even if it is just to read about the resources available then wait on it, I will be here. 

This is my passion and “calling” in life. So, take your time and I hope to meet you on the other side of these emails.

All the best,

Copyright © 2019-Present Building Powerful Kids Jason Froehlich. All Rights Reserved