In my copy, page 104 starts like this, “ALL PARENTS DAMAGE their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair.”

I’m not blaming you for anything. All I’m saying is WE (not JUST parents - this includes coaches, teachers, counselors, family, friends, and anyone influencing your child) can either break them or build them.

I firmly believe that every parent’s desire is to see their child’s future be a bright one.

Each parent takes a different approach, but still the end result is the same. “I want my child to be confident, I want them to be a leader in their life, and I want them to go after their dreams because they believe in themselves.”

But you’ve got until they’re eleven to make an impression or impact on confidence and self-esteem. After eleven, it’s a whole new ball game, folks.

Before eleven (and some start earlier - and not all of them do this) they believe most everything you say. After eleven, they QUESTION everything you say, and they are as skeptical as you are reading this right now.

You are calling B.S. on me, and guess what…they are as well on everything.

They might not be doing it in an outspoken way, but silently their mind is throwing red flags everywhere.

They are comparing, contrasting, and filing everything in that big brain of theirs.

It’s not just you, they are challenging. It’s their teachers, their friends, their coaches, and just about everyone around them. They are at a phase where THEY are trying to find the truth on their own.

For most youth and teen “influencers,” who are trying to drive positive change, it takes years before we realize that the game has changed and we need to change in order to keep up.

I used to get frustrated trying to drive results in kids and teens until I did something so simple. I couldn’t believe it actually worked.

Five steps, that’s it.

And suddenly, everything started to click. I wasn’t arguing or fighting to drive change, it was simply happening. The relationship with each of my students grew, and the positive shift started happening organically.

I wasn’t pushing the boulder uphill anymore.

Most comments I get from parents about my programs are how much more confident and focused their child is now. How their child is, “Very strong and proactive with the direction he wants his life to go!”

When you use these five steps, you actually have a model to follow that allows you the flexibility to shape and mold progress in a positive way without hammers and chisels.

Here’s why it’s so valuable and how you can use it.

Step 1, let them explore their ideas or thoughts and interests.

Don’t judge or criticize them. This is the MOST difficult step and was the first thing I would get wrong. It wasn’t until I stopped thinking about ALL the reasons why their idea wouldn’t work or find the faults in their interest that the shift in driving change happened.

Step 2, let them experiment with their beliefs and interests to uncover truths.

I’m saying allow them to find healthy ways to uncover answers.

Here’s a critical piece to this puzzle. If you want all the pieces to fit, add one more step to these five steps. I call it step 3a…

Step 3, encourage them to learn. 

Just guide them with encouragement to learn. Rather than focusing on why it couldn’t or won’t work, I would focus on helping them determine ways to make it work. This set of thinking helps them express creativity rather than shutting down the critical thinking part of their brain. It focuses on solutions rather than creating more problems.

It fosters self-expression.

This is a great section where you can have them create their values and beliefs.

Ask them to answer some questions: What went right? What needed work? What would you do differently? What did you learn? How would you like to move forward?

This helps them build their self-awareness muscle. This is where you elevate self-confidence in your child. It empowers them to find solutions independently. It permits them to believe in their own abilities and skills.

This is where it crosses the bridge between self-confidence and self-esteem. It builds their sense of self-worth that they can use their whole life.

Step 4, empower them to figure it out on their own.

There is no right or wrong. No fail or succeed. There are only outcomes, and all outcomes are USEFUL.

You will have to suspend your own fears and doubts here. This is when we as parents, coaches, or teachers tend to want to protect a child from failing, falling, or looking foolish.

Once I just allowed an outcome to happen, I could then figure out what stage they were in to start building from.

There are three stages here and without trying to control an outcome you can get an accurate measure.

Simply ask, what outcome was reached?

Letting them find their own way enriches their experience. It gives them tools and resources. Like a video game, they level up. This is the part where you can answer questions when they need help, and remember they have an expiration date when it all ends…or continues.

You don’t have to give them all the answers, you can ask them to think through it and come up with their own way of solving it. It might not be the way you would solve it, but they don’t have your knowledge…and sometimes that knowledge isn’t what they need at this time.

Step 5, earning it is the best title they can ever get. What they earn is something only they need at this time in their life.

It could be money. It could be a better understanding. It could be confidence. It could be courage. It could be the taste of failure.

They need to uncover what value they get, like a treasure they’ve hunted for and dug up themselves. It has more flavor.

Maybe they uncover and discover what they don’t want. This is sometimes more valuable.

Comments

Get weekly emails where I share with you the simple, but effective ways I use to improve your child's confidence and self-esteem, focus, discipline, and mental toughness. Each email is packed with simple, but effective ways you can use it at home, for school, and prepare them for their future.

I encourage you to explore more of this site to learn more about my coaching philosophy and programs.

Copyright © 2010-Present JJF Holdings LLC (Jason Froehlich). All Rights Reserved